A promise made – a promise done. 🫡
What is a long-read without a backstory?
Early June of 2023. Even though an academic year at the school where I was working previously had ended, I still had my dissertation to complete and pairs to teach at the university. I barely had enough sleep, juggling two jobs, studies in my master’s degree, and family obligations. True to my masochistic nature, I decided to take the third job: teaching English itself. Although I had been already teaching Economics in English, I felt it wasn’t the same. It seemed like my work didn’t bring me fulfilment in both places (better not to delve deeper because I think I still need the entire therapy course to get over it 💔). I knew my work carried more value than it was assessed; my skills had the capacity to serve people in a more profound scale and degree. I sensed I could do more with what I have, and by doing more, I would add up to my expertise and create meaning with my craft. Although I had no clear-cut explanation or justification for my decision to teach the language itself, I decided to follow my heart, which led me here: Ad Astra. ❤️🔥
After several days of back-and-forth negotiations, I attended some classes of a teacher whom I was "kind of replacing". Without any shadow of a doubt, Ms. Sevara was one of the most dedicated, respected, and intelligent teachers of the school. I found her classes extremely engaging, informative, and interactive. Her friendly demeanor and great sense of humor further strengthened the conducive atmosphere in the classroom. To be completely honest, I was so insecure about whether I could keep up with the high standards she had set. I genuinely wanted her to stay and work alongside with me, but, unfortunately, she had different plans. In one of her classes where I was an observer, she informed her students that she was leaving. Having seen her students cry, hugging her with so much love shattered my confidence even more, as I was going to be handed over all her groups, which were all at a PI level…
Finally, the day had arrived. I don’t exactly remember every minute of my classes there, but I recollect teaching only Speaking and Writing to already practice groups. The first thing I did before starting my classes with Ms.Sevara’s students was to apologize for taking her position. 🥴This moment is fresh in my mind because it was tightly connected with strong emotions in me. 😓
There was dead silence in my first class. I was anxious. 😬 Millions of questions were running in my mind. ❓ I could feel their eyes on me: students were assessing each of my words and actions carefully. With them, I felt like I was their stepmother: A stranger who replaced their lovely mommy. I felt guilty all the time, as if it was my fault that those kids were bound to bear the weight of parting with their favorite teacher. I so wanted to be liked by them, going beyond and above to be worthy of even 1% of what they felt for their former teacher. First, they were always comparing me with their teacher openly, which, while a bit hurtful to me, was a fair game. They would often mention her, praising her teaching methods and incredible personality. Over time, some of them accepted me, some of them didn’t. So, overall, it took us some time to warm up to each other.
I taught two back-to-back classes on my first day. At the end of the working hours, Mukhammadali teacher asked me to “swing by his room” (his typical phrase 😄) and asked how my first day had gone. It was so sweet of him to take the time and actually ask about it. 🥹 It really helped take the edge off. He can be so caring and sweet. Sometimes, maybe))😏